I don’t know what happen to me in the past 2-3 days, but there are things that will always be a burden to me, that is thinking of him. Once that I got my internship I feel highly excited and motivated, but then I feel an unexplainable loneliness, and then my insecurities and worry come out-out of the blue. It made me sick and almost had a flu, but then I tried to regain myself again.
Loving him, made me learn to love God.
Because the way that I love him, it is almost about the same as any spiritual religious experience to love God.
The first few times after I met him I feel close, loved, and intimate, the happy moments.
And after that I have to trust, have faith, persevere, and be patience for him and applicable to the way I have to treat My God, My Beloved Lover.
I have to wait for him to answer my messages, and when he does my heart fonder. The same way I pray to God, and when He answers my prayers, I feel joy.
I wait patiently to meet him again sometime, the same as I have to wait patiently for heaven, to see my true beloved Lover.
I do not want to hurt him and make him disappointed, the same way I have to love my God and not make him hurt and feel disappointed because of my actions, thoughts, or ignorance.
There are times that I feel that I don’t deserve his love and His love, because of my own insecurities and doubt, but I have to learn just to surrender, trust, and have faith in what the Lord, my God, my Beloved Lover intentions in teaching me and showing me the way by loving him.