Ups, Downs, & Reviving

I would say that my life is not so perfect, and I sometimes like to envy on other people for their fortune. I see my life as a total wreck and chaotic, and I wish it did not happen in my life. How I wish I could live other people’s life that I see as more fortunate than I am. I see that my life is pretty unusual and pretty much interesting like a roller coaster, but that does not mean that I am fortunate, it just my life is full of unexpected event. Really. I have my ups and downs, there are pretty much downs in my college life, even though there are lots of happiness and laughter, but I am not satisfied with my life. There is this ambitious monster living with me that wanted something more. I have a fear of failure that sometimes succumb me. It is very hard when I am living alone in college figuring out in my life what I wanted to be and what I wanted to do, and that there’s no one to help me to go through it and after all that depression and confusion that strangle my life. There could be no one to understand it even though I tell them my story. Or I do not want to tell them my story because I wanted to be strong. I hate vulnerability. There are times that I just want to end it all up. Call it quits. Let it be done. I wanted to give up, but I still hold onto it. That I know that I am not living my passion, but that a decision has to be made when I was 18, and the best decision was to be come up. That I do not know if that was a good decision or not, but my 18 year old self said that it was, that that decision was her dream, I don’t know if it still my dream, but it is her dream. Now, I have to do something about it.  I, like many of you Aliens, am just a normal average human being, not so great, that imperfections was not for me at all, even though I wanted to be perfect.


I am down so many times, I don’t know where to start anymore, sometimes it seems hopeless, that I need a new change of phase in my life. But I can’t. The only thing that keeps me moving is when I visualize the great things that would come, that someday my dream will be a dream come true, and all this hope because God has promised me that He will give me a bright future, something that I never could imagine in my whole life. God gives me hope of a bright future, and I really really need it, especially in my hopeless wishes that seems could never come true. I have put my faith and trust in God’s hand. Oh I wish that You could tell me what I have to do, I wish You could tell me what is my future like. I feel amazed that God, You could say such things, promise me so many things, that it seems the future for You is definite, when all my friends said that the future was never predestined, but I think my friends are somewhat not entirely true. I see that You have arranged my life for me, that You said Yourself that You have a plan for me. That in Your hands You have the bigger picture of my life, that You hold my life, that for You, I am a precious human, that You love so much, and You understand all my feelings. Yes, the only thing that put me in strength is God’s promises, without Your promises I would go ashtray, I would have no hope, but You strengthen me each day. God, I do not know what I could do without You.


Dear God, I miss him. I am talking about the guy that You intended to give me. You promised me a year earlier, You showed me a year after, but after that You send him away. Yes, I miss him, God, I do not know when I will going to see him again. May it all be in Your hands God, I am trusting You.


I am curious with my 30 year old self. I wanted to see the future. I want to know where I live, what my career is like, to whom I marry. I want to know it all. I am really waiting  for my graduation. I am just super curious.


That Exact Personality & That Exact List

Okay, a couple of days ago I posted about The Lists of The One You’re Searching For , and also That One Thing … , I pretty much understand myself clearly now after I reflected my life and also thinking again about those two topics.

In Admiration or Compatibility Part 1 , people asked me about the kind of guy I like and when I was writing that I pretty much have a broad understanding of what the kind of guy I like, but now I pretty much have an exact answer to that question.

So this will be my answer on the One Thing I am looking for :

“The guy that I am looking for, have to have a fun, youthful, playful, happy, funny personality.”

That’s it. I am only attracted to that kind of person and I can’t be attracted to a person who don’t have this kind of personality even though he has other “great” personalities (smart, kind, religious, sporty, a musician, etc.).

The reason behind why I am only attracted to that kind of specific personality is because I identify myself with also that personality, or I can say that that is my strongest personality. Taken that into knowledge, so I am very sensitive with a person who genuinely have that personality. When I say genuinely, I mean that that is his strongest personality.

The reasons of why I concluded “that personality” are:
1. I was grown up with a family full of “Jesters”. My two brothers and my mom are the funniest people that I know besides known comedians. My brothers and I, we can laugh the whole night until 2 am exchanging jokes. We can tease each other and laugh about it. We can play together like kids even though all of us are out of high school. We are very expressive, fun, and funny at the same time. When my brothers were out of the house, I usually tease and joke around with my mom targeting my dad. I have a really unusual relationship with my parents. I really really can tease my dad (tag teaming with my mom) and we are just okay with it. This is the major or main reason of why I am attracted to that kind of personality, because most of my life I spend with that kind of atmosphere in my home.
2. I have the best time of my life in the eight grade. I love the eight grade, my friends are the best! Up until now we are still close and can remember of how great it was when we were in the eight grade. My friends are very fun, we were jokers, we used to laugh, make fun of and tease each other a lot. I remember how I can laugh insanely loud when I was in the eight grade. It was the best time! It was the greatest group of friends that I never could imagine of. Not any other group of friends that can replace my eight grade group of friends. We were fun, funny, and happy people.
3. I know that I have a lot of good friends, best friends, etc. and I know that I can mingle with a lot of different personalities, but somehow I just know that I feel convenient and I can get close fast with one specific particular personality that my friend has. My best friend from high school ( a girl btw) and I still used to chat and tell each other stories even though we are not at the same college and country. Somehow we still contact each other and can feel close when in fact I lost contact with other of my good friends. I just realize because somehow she also has that kind of personality that I am looking for. This make me think as an evidence that I can go in the long run with a person with this kind of personality.

When I spot someone with this kind of personality somehow I just kind of “knew it”. I don’t know why but I feel this kind of strange familiarity. I feel like that person can “completes” me, that we can compliment each other. I feel like I am very drawn to that person and it is very very easy to communicate with that person. It is very strange but somehow we can be close in a very short period of time. In just a couple of hours!

I realize that subconsciously I am looking for a person that has an atmosphere like my family, my eight grade friends, and my high school friend. The atmosphere where I feel most content and convenient that somehow feels like an ecstasy because I am happiest and comfortably just be myself around those kind of people.
I also realize that if I want to spend my entire life with one person, that person got to have “that kind of personality”, because my entire life I was brought up in that kind of atmosphere within my family so I just cannot imagine to live with a person who don’t have that personality, I rather be single than choosing less.

Usually people who genuinely have this kind of personality have this traits:
1. They love karaoke.
2. They love dancing.
3. They are funny.
4. They love theme parks.
5. They are positive people.
6. They are playful.
7. They are not shy.
8. They seem to be always happy.
9. They can be teased and do not get mad.
10. They also can tease people.
11. They are energetic.

With that, I also want to add my Must-Have List :
1. Fun, youthful, playful, happy, funny personality
2. Smart (I like to engage in a debate so that person has to be smart)
3. Confident
4. Outgoing
5. Mature
6. A leader
7. Assertive
8. Have principles
9. Competitive
10. In the same religion
11. Open minded
12. Responsible
13. Positive

My Must Not Have List :
1. Sensitive
2. Talks bad words
3. Reserved
4. Childish/ A mama’s boy
5. Not expressive
6. Indecisive
7. Racist
8. Close minded
9. Stubborn
10. Smoker
11. Smoking pot/weed
12. Alcoholic

Somehow people do not know what they are looking for and they try with so many people until they know what they are looking for. But it is just simply knowing what kind of person you can really be best friends with. In looking for a partner in life, it is just the same way as being a best friend with someone. In all your life I know that there must be someone in the same sex that somehow you manage can be best friends with for a long time and you feel comfortable with that person, it is just the same way with finding compatibility with the opposite sex.

I hope you Aliens found something that you can learn from here. This is my story. What’s your story?


Freshman Year

That energy,

That vigor,

That excitement,

That expectations,

That curiosity,

That confidence,

That pride,

That hope.

that loneliness,

that emotional feeling,

that no sense of direction,

that emotional attitude,

that rebelliousness,

that non -understandable to oneself,

AND that reckless decision.


The Lists of The One You’re Searching For

Okay, okay in this post it will not be my original idea, but I decided to do it anyway because my friends are curious and asking that I share it. I think it is a good thing for all you singles out there! Hehehehe. 😉

So my good friends, Al.Ali and H.K.,  handed me a book one day in which to my surprise entitled “HOW TO FIND YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE BOOK 2”, and then continues “The Complete Course Manual on How To Attract, Choose and Marry the Partner of Your Dreams” written by Bo Sanchez (an incredible speaker and life coach). I was like “WOAA!! Do I need this?” Well I accepted it anyway because they were giving it to me for free!

There are many sections in this book, but the one that I will share and will apply to most of you is this section:


So let’s get into deep. B)

In looking for “The One”, there are four lists that you must consider. The four lists are:

1. The Non-Negotiable List
2. Must-Have List
3. Must-Not-Have List
4. Wish List
Let’s start with The Non-Negotiable List. These are the list that are non negotiable. Cannot be compromised and between life and death!
1. He must take responsibility for his life.
2. He must be free from serious addictions.
3. He must be emotionally healthy. Emotionally healthy meaning that:

  1. He knows and acknowledge his weakness.
  2. He has the capacity for loving someone else other than himself.

4.  He must earn enough to start a family.
5. He must be morally upright.
6. He must be spiritually committed.
7. He must love his own family.

If your girlfriend or boyfriend violate even one in any of those rules, break up now! Even the reason like “BUT I LOVE HIM/HER”, cannot be taken into account!

The Must-Have List. This list is very personal and can differ for each person, and they can be compromised even if you put a “MUST”, unlike the Non-Negotiable List. Here you can list of personal characters or traits of someone. So here is just an example of a Must-Have List invented by moi:

  1. He must be smarter than me.
  2. He must be hard working.
  3. Wise
  4. A good debater.
  5. A good leader.
  6. Compassion
  7. Disciplined
  8. Playful and youthful
  9. etc etc until 10.

The Must-Have-Not List. You are going to live with this person from getting up and sleeping again. What can’t you stand of? What are the negative traits that you don’t like? This is just an example of my list:

  1. I cannot be with a sensitive person!
  2. If he likes to curse and use bad language.
  3. If he is racist.
  4. Dirty.
  5. etc etc until 10!

The Wish List. This are the list that are nice to have but not so important and it seems like a bonus. Here are just an example of my wish list:

  1. Funny
  2. A good cook
  3. A good singer
  4. etc etc until 10

So there you have it, all the list that you need to know in finding the One! Hehehehe. 😉

Thank you again Al.Ali and H.K. for the book, much appreciated!



My friend, M.Jek, asked me 2 questions about the term “Beautiful People”, here are her questions:

1. What do you think when you hear “Beautiful People”? In deep reflection, what is the meaning of “Beautiful People”?

2. Do you think you are beautiful?

So I answered her with answers in which I think are satisfying enough. But today, I am not going to talk about my answers to her questions( I might post about “Beautiful People” and my answers in a different post in the future). This made me think about self image. Yes, self image!

Many people including me have something in our mind about our own self image. There are always two things that we consider about our image:

1. How people perceived us.

2. How we perceived ourselves.

I know many people are dealing with this issue. We look at the mirror and not happy of what we see. And we like to stigmatize ourselves for not being “pretty” enough or not “beautiful” enough. There are two attentions regarding self-image:

1. Our face appearance.

2. Our body shape.

Probably many of you are not happy because one or two body parts in your face or in your body. I have to tell you, that you are not alone! So many people suffer from this because the one or two body parts that they do not like. In our life time there are probably many of us who have to deal with friends or family members who do not like how we appear. They tease us, ridicule us, mock us, for the body parts that God given us. I have to say I was one of those people who have to struggle to accept myself and love myself because all those negative things people throw at me. Worse of all, those people who mock me are my family members.

These were the body parts that they said were not “Good Enough”:

1. My eyes. They called my eyes too slanty or too small.

2. My nose. They said that my nose is not pointy enough or does not have a high bridge.

3. My eyebrows. They said my eyebrows were too thin.

4. My teeth. They said that my teeth is protruded.

5. My jaw. They said that my jaw is also protruded.

6. My skin color. They said that my skin color is too dark.

7. My weight. They said that I’m too fat.

And the list goes on and on. And I have to live with that mockery when I was still living with my family. It is hard to really alter the concept of ourselves if we grew in that kind of stigmata. But I change my perspectives and start to accept myself beautifully and lovingly. How do I do that?

1. Do a makeover. A change in ourselves can be nice, but you cannot do it extremely, just one at a time.

2. Be friends with people who accept you and love you as who you are. Be with positive people! You can choose your friends, be with good friends who supports you.

3. Forgive those people because they do not know what they are doing or saying. 😉

People usually make fun of us because they are not happy of themselves. They are in pain. So people, please do not make fun of others regarding physique!

For the people who like to disregard others because of physique, I want you to reflect in the things that you are not happy of.  Try to answer this question:

1. What makes you angry and feel in pain?

2. What do people done to you to make you mock others?

Find the answers, and then, try to make a change and love yourselves even more! (Hey, I might post something in the future about “Pain”)

There’s a video about Objective Beauty and Perceived Beauty:

The summary of the video is this:

There are two types of beauty: Objective Beauty and Perceived Beauty.

1. Objective Beauty is what you see in the catwalk and in the magazines.

2. Perceived Beauty is a full package. It is about from the head to the toe, from the smile, from the way you act, from the way you talk, from the way you think. Perceived beauty is appearance + personality!

So do not let others think you are not beautiful! You are beautiful!  God never created a failure, that is why you are beautiful! 😉

So what do you think? Share your stories! Comment and response are highly encouraged!

One last thing, I would like to thank my friends, Al.Ali and H.K. , as much as you do not know, the two of you really help me to change my perspectives and love myself more. Thank you. :*

Questioning About The One

My friend, V.A.S, and I had a discussion about Marriage and stuff. Don’t get us wrong, it is not because we want to get married fast, but because many of our closest friends were married last year. We were thinking like this: “How do you know if she or he is the One?” That will be a long discussion that I might post in the future, but the question that I will try to answer is this: “How do you find The One?”

Here are the perspectives that we will consider:

1. My mother believes that God had planned everything from the start. Everything including The One.

2. My friend, H.K., believes that God never predestined us about anything including The One, so it is up to us to choose who we want to marry.

My opinion? It leads me to 3 conclusions:

1. God is all powerful and all willing, He could choose our soulmate, just like God appointed Gomer to be Hosea’s wife. If God can do it in the past, so He can do it in the present and future. We just need to discern and hear God’s voice.

2. Humans have free will. Humans can choose whoever they want to marry. So you have the ability to decide.

3. Other people (not us) pick for us to whom we shall marry. Like arrange marriage.

At the end, either 1 ,2  or 3 whoever is walking down the aisle with you, is because the both of you choose to do so.

So what do you think? Comments and responses are highly encouraged.