A Reason : Computer Science

I try to find my reasons of choosing Computer Science, this way it helps me to stay focus on my purpose and not regretting of my decision.

Well basically my ultimate reason is this:

I am sorry to say that I choose Computer Science not because my love for it, but because of the opportunity it offers.

Yes, they always say do it for LOVE, etc., but back then I know what I LOVE and I will be greatly happy if I am in that major, BUT there is NO OPPORTUNITY for me in that field, so I have to accept the fact , the reality, and make other choices that somehow in the future will be USEFUL.

I always have this ambitious attitude for myself, so I try to break the record, and I compare this within my family, at least to say my parents. My dad currently works from 6-5 every work days in a Petroleum company. He makes a lot of money in a Petroleum Company, but somehow I see something in my dad’s life that I don’t want to be. Yes, of course I want to have a lot of money and make a living out of myself, but I don’t want to just only working for a company, I want to OWN a company. I hate time clocks. I hate to leave early to avoid the traffic, and also leaving home in a traffic jam. I hate to be always a subordinate for the rest of my life, not able to do entirely of my will.

So that’s why I want to have a startup. Even though I work with some company I know I will not be able to stay long there, but …. there is some concern that I am thinking, that is my biological clock. I am a woman, and I know my “expired age” is like 29-30,  and by the age 25 and up I want to have a serious relationship with someone. That means I want to have a stable career somehow, and I think I might be scared to start my own startup by that age. The other thing is I might be too tired from work and afraid to left my job to focus on my dream. So I have set my own goal now and I am not afraid to do it. WHY?

1. I am still in college, I don’t have the burden to make money YET.
2. They don’t look at my GPA when looking for a job, so I probably have the tendency to be more “relax” on my GPA.
3. I still have the resources that I needed in college, that’s why I want to try.
4. I pretty much prefer to have a successful startup than going to grad school.
5. I am not mentally ill anymore, no depression, no heart break, no stress.

What if it fails?

1. I still have a story to tell in my job interview, it is a resume check!
2. Experience is the best teacher, I am still young, if I fail, then try try again. Sometime it does not succeed in the first try, eventually if you are persistent you are going to succeed anyway.
3. I am not afraid if I fail, because God promise me that I will have a bright future anyway, so He will bless me in my work.

Why didn’t I start earlier?

1. I was unsure of my decision. I was mentally unstable. I had a big dream, but I was afraid, I did not know what to do at that time.
2. I had severe depression in my second year so I was confuse of many things in my life, I lost interest in life, I can’t study, I can’t focus, I don’t know myself, I was like,”What am I doing in my life? Am I taking the right route?” I even forget my reason of choosing Computer Science. I was questioning if it were my passion. I try to get away. I try to find other routes, but still I am in Computer Science because my parents won’t let me change my major. I accept the fact and return for my third year.
3. I recover from depression, but I still confuse of my life, I feel like I was in the dessert. I try many things still, but still no aim or goal. I had the  imposter syndrome, trying to flee from reality and hope that there’s some magic that can save me from this route that I am stuck with. I was unable to focus for a couple of months because of “something”. But now, I am relieve because of that “something” had gone away. It needed some time to recover like 2 months.

By majoring in Computer Science, I have the background for my startup, everything is about technology now. I was in pre business at that time and I realize that I don’t have  to have a business degree to start my own business. It was a very risky decision, I was really really betting my future on something that I just come up with or dream with in an unknown field that I just heard for less than 6 months. I am pretty sure I don’t know what I am getting myself into. So there I was up until now in Computer Science, a risky decision that I made when I was 18.

So that is the summary of my journey after I left high school. I have found what I was searching for, it needed time and also many thoughts and trials but somehow I feel alive again.

Now I feel excited. This is going to be a great journey.